I have mixed feelings about this new TV reality show, ‘Find Your Family’. Here is the Press Release explaining the theme of the show. Press Release

My daughter has expressed interest in seeing her birthparents again someday in Russia. We cannot afford this endeavor right now and frankly, I think she’d be very disappointed with the outcome. Reuniting with birthparents can sound exciting and heartwarming. But what if the parents are not happy to see their child again? What if the parents are living a desperate, poor life and are ill with alcoholism? This would not paint a pretty reunion picture. Maybe it’s better to have nicer thoughts of your birthparents, even if it’s not reality. What if an adoptive child decides to look for their birth parents and learns they don’t want to be found? What if one child in a family finds his/her birthfamily and has a happy reunion while another child learns they were abandoned with no hope of finding their birth family? (This is more common in an Int’l Adoption.) It’s that ‘rejection’ theme that comes back to haunt them.

Of course, there are birthparents out there that might bring happiness to their birth child by reuniting. I don’t want to second guess everything the adoptive parents did to raise this child though. I hope this TV show addresses the adoptive parents and family in a positive manner. Creating happy moments on TV are great but not at the expense of a family. If handled appropriately this show can be a wonderful message about the joys of adoption and of parenthood…on both sides of Adoption.

What are your thoughts about this type of reality show and it’s possible effects on adoptive families and adopted children?

Deborah Mumm
The Adoption Coach
Everything for Adoption

Well, it’s National Adoption Month. It is a time to publicize adoption and to recognize it as a way to build a family. Have you heard much about adoption this month. I don’t think I have. A new movie is coming out next week called ‘Blindside’ with Sandra Bullock and looks to be a good movie about foster care and adoption. I’ll let you know as I know I plan on seeing it.
I think most people know what adoption is but would rather not like to talk about it too much. It makes people uncomfortable to hear about children living in foster care or orphanages. But the truth is, we need to talk about it and we need to talk about it a LOT. It’s that out of sight, out of mind way of thinking. Maybe if we don’t talk about it, it’ll go away…or someone else will handle it.
In reality, there are about 60 million children living in foster care or in orphanages around the world. They are the future of this world. These are kids who grow up without a family or knowing what it’s like to be loved and cared for unconditionally. How will they know how to parent their children, how to handle conflicts or feel compassion towards others? It’s difficult when your life is a series of rejections.
Am I glad there is a month designated to remind us of the children who need families? Does it bring more people towards considering adopting a child to add to their family? I am not so sure. If half the families in the world took in one child who needed a family, there would be no children living in foster care or orphanages.
Most people feel they couldn’t handle someone else’s child or take on the risks of another child. There is a lot of fear surrounding foster care and orphans. I think people still consider such children as ‘damaged goods’ and don’t want to take that chance.
So…Happy National Adoption Month! Learn more about orphans with a weekly email on the latest stats and info on orphans around the world at… http://www.adoptionhighway.com . Learn more about Foster care and Domestic adoption at http://www.adoption.com . And, thank those families who are helping children by being foster parents…or famillies who have adopted children. It is not an easy task but they took the challenge.
We adopted children and we have been rewarded with their hugs and love. Every achievement they have holds strong meanings for us. We helped them to change their lives for the better.
Who will help all the other children waiting for families? They still wait….

Deborah Mumm
The Adoption Coach
http://www.everythingforadoption.com

Hi!
Here is a poem about adoption I thought you’d enjoy.

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women…Who never knew each other…
One you do not remember…The other you call Mother…
Two different lives…Shaped to make you one…
One became your guiding star…The other became your sun…
The first one gave you life…The second taught you to live it…
The first gave you a need for love…The second was there to give it…
One gave you a nationality…The other gave you a name…
One gave you talent…The other gave you aim…
One gave you emotion…The other calmed your fears…
One saw your first sweet smile…The other dried your tears…
One sought for you a home…That she could not provide…
The other prayed for a child…And her hope was not denied…
And now you ask me through your tears…
The age-old question unanswered through the years…
Heredity or environment…Which are you a product of?…
Neither my darling, neither…Just two different kinds of Love…

… Author Unknown …

Want to see some great books on Adoption that I recommend?
http://www.everythingforadoption.com/best-adoption-books.asp

Have a great day!
Debbie Mumm
The Adoption Coach
http://www.everythingforadoption.com

Halloween Greetings!
Here is a terrific article that offers 10 Safe and Fun Halloween Activities for the whole family. As a mom of 5 kids I have always looked for simple ways to make Halloween fun and not just a ‘Sugar-loaded Holiday’.

Enjoy!

Too Cute To Spook: 10 Not So Scary Halloween Activities
by Dr. Caron B Goode, NCC

For many young children, this Halloween will be the first time they see a tombstone on a lawn, a skeleton hanging from a tree, and people they are familiar with, appearing to be someone they are not.
Young children have a difficult time distinguishing between what’s real and what’s not. In fact, until children reach the age of 5, the boundaries between reality and fantasy often remain blurred. They may believe the ghosts and ghouls are going to “get them” or that the walking mummy wondering around the neighborhood is “real.” It’s this reason that some children, especially sensitive ones, may find October 31 to be scarier than it is fun.
If you’re a parent of a child pre-school aged child or younger, consider shifting to a not so scary celebration this Halloween. From less spooky costumes to kid friendly arts and crafts, the little ones can have Halloween fun, without the fright.
Try incorporating some of these 10 Not So Scary Halloween activities into your holiday celebration. They’re guaranteed to rate high on fun and low on fright.

1. Donuts on a String. Hang small, powdered donuts from a piece of heavy string. Fasten each strung donut to a long line of string. Have an adult hold each end of the line level with the children’s mouths. Encourage the children to try to eat the donut using no hands. Older children may enjoy this activity while wearing a blindfold. If children become frustrated, the donut can be moved to a plate to make eating it hands free easier.

2. Pin the nose on the pumpkin. Create a large pumpkin from orange poster board. Add the eyes and mouth using a black marker. Cut out triangles from black poster board, place double sided tape on the back and hand them out to the children. Let each child have a turn sticking the nose on the pumpkin. While younger children may simply enjoy adding the missing piece to the pumpkins face, older children may enjoy this activity while wearing a blindfold.

3. Decorate Halloween cookies. Bake sugar cookies in the shape of pumpkins. Provide frosting and sprinkles for the children to decorate their own cookie. This is a fun project that doubles as a festive treat. Children can decorate additional cookies, place them in a cellophane bag, tie them closed with ribbon and give them out as special gifts to family and friends.

4. Visit a farm. Consider incorporating the fall harvest theme into your not so scary celebration. Many farms have pumpkin patches for children to select their own pumpkins. Some even have petting zoos, hay rides, train rides and more. The natural and often colorful scenery at most farms makes the perfect backdrop for fall family photos.

5. Decorate pumpkins. While younger children may be too young to carve a pumpkin, they can certainly color, paint and add embellishments like stickers and sparkles. Yarn can be glued on for hair and felt can be used to create hats or other accessories.

6. Host a not so scary Halloween party. Incorporate games like Duck, Duck Pumpkin, read age appropriate Halloween themed books and decorate and snack on pumpkin shaped sugar cookies. Make costumes optional.

7. Hide the pumpkins. Cut out small pumpkins from orange poster board and decorate with black marker. Hide the pumpkins outdoors. Give each child a small bucket to collect all the pumpkins she can find. Give each child a turn at hiding the pumpkins.

8. Attend an alternate Halloween event. Many churches and community centers host free harvest celebrations geared towards the families in their communities. They often have games, activities, food and candy for kids of all ages to enjoy.

9. Organize a neighborhood trunk or treat. Create a theme and invite people you know to decorate their car trunks. Invite everyone over at a set time to park their cars in your driveway. Have the children go from trunk to trunk to collect individually wrapped candy. This allows you to have control over who your child collects candy from and what type of Halloween décor your child is exposed to. Another creative spin on this is to have family members decorate their bedroom doors and hand out candy to each other.

10. Create your own costumes. With a little non-toxic face paint, a bin of dress up clothes and a lot of creativity, you children can create a costume that perfectly suits their personality and level of spookiness they’re comfortable with. Have a parade and award prizes for different costumes. You can give prizes for the most colorful costume, the costume with the most sparkle and more to be sure that all children are recognized for the hard work they put into their costume selection and design.
With some careful thought, a little creativity and advance planning, you can create an age-appropriate Halloween celebration that your child can truly enjoy.

Dr. Caron Goode is a well-respected leader in the parent coaching industry as the founder of the Academy for Coaching Parents International (www.academyforcoachingparents.com) that trains students in the empowerment model of parent coaching, Dr. Goode has shared her holistic approach to achieving parenting success and managing family relationships in magazines, newspapers and radio. Her most recent books include The Art and Science of Coaching Parents and award-winning Raising Intuitive Children. (www.raisingintuitivechildren)

Deborah Mumm, The Adoption Coach
http://www.everythingforadoption.com

Greetings…

This weekend my husband, his sister, our youngest, Alex and myself, went to MO to visit son, Kellen. He attends Univ. of Mo or Mizzou as most call it there. We didn’t have tickets to the football game so I took Alex to go see Where the Wild Things Are, while Dennis and sister watched the game on TV. Alex was quite excited about seeing this movie. Who can believe that someone took a 12 page book with about 6 sentences and made a full length movie of it? When it was over I was surprised when I asked him what he thought of it. His words, “It was random.” I couldn’t have explained it better myself.

The story starts with a pretty cute boy about 10 who has problems with his sister and her friends. The story skips around but when his mom makes him upset one night, he bites her. She yells at him and he takes off down the dark street screaming and yelling like he had gone mad. He then jumps into a sailboat and heads out into the dark, stormy night. He crash lands onto an island with these strange monster characters. To make a long story short, they appoint him to be the new king of the island. He doesn’t get along much better with these creatures than he did with his human family. There is a lot of screaming and running throughout the movie. At one point he decides to create peace on the island they need a war. They all start hitting each other with clots of dirt. This makes the boy quite happy. Hmm….did I say this movie was ‘random’?

When he leaves the island it is apparent the monsters all like him and the leader monster shows this by howlling…and the boy howls back. I was ready to leave the theatre many times but hoped the movie would improve. It just got more and more confusing. It was loud and was filled with mixed messages. When I left my head was swimming with all the noises and confusion the movie had brought.

Alex is 10 and not one to say he didn’t like a movie. At first he said it was good but once we started talking about it he told me he thought it was RANDOM. I’d have to agree as it never made sense and showed a lot of unsafe things kids could do. Biting others, yelling and screaming when angry and not stopping, running away and generally, not making safe choices….all things I try to get my children to think about.

So….Out of 5 stars, I give it ONE STAR.
I’d avoid taking kids to this movie and won’t even recommend it as a rental.
Just this mom’s opinion…and my 10 yr. old son’s.

Debbie Mumm, The Adoption Coach
Everything for Adoption

http://www.Helpusadopt.org — Adoption Grants! Grant Applications are due 10.16.09 and they will be awarding $50,000 in grants on December 1st!!!!!
Forward this to anyone you know looking for money for a special adoption of a child. Applications are due Oct. 16th, 2009.
Thanks.

Deborah Mumm, The Adoption Coach
http://www.everythingforadoption.com

I’ve been writing this blog for years now and don’t think I ever shared ‘The Bus Story’. It is a true lesson in understanding how important ‘words’ can be.
Alex was adopted from Russia at age 5 1/2. He came home to us in late July. By mid-Aug. he was off to kindergarten. I remember the first day, introducing myself and Alex to the bus driver. I told her he didn’t speak a word of English but that I could get a translator to talk with Alex if anything needed to be explained to him. Little did I know how many times we’d be talking with our translator friend that week.
At the end of Day 1, I picked up Alex at the bus. The bus driver appeared to be a bit ‘frazzled’. She had to pull the bus over 3 times since Alex kept running up and down the aisle of the bus. I apologized and said we’d go right home and talk with Karina, our friend who speaks Russian. Karina promptly told Alex that he was not to walk or run in the bus….and that he must stay in his seat.
Day 2…When I picked up Alex from the bus stop the bus driver then told me that he did not get out of his seat but he was standing and jumping in his seat…not sitting! Again we made the phone call to Karina who told him he must SIT in the seat of the bus.
Day 3…The bus driver now claimed Alex sat in his seat but was swinging his backpack around hitting other children. Parents at the bus stop were looking at me like I had a monkey for a child and that I must not have any control what so ever with this kid. (I had only had Alex for one month and couldn’t speak his language! Give me a break, ok?)
After our friend covered every bus rule she could think of with Alex…and was quite specific with her words, things improved. The bus was never a place where Alex was on his best behavior and it was a struggle for quite awhile for him to be good there. We did all types of positive reinforcement, which usually worked for awhile. However, since Alex did have some learning issues with reading and math, mostly due to language skills, the bus turned out the place to be to let out his frustrations.
Now that he rides to school with friends and doesn’t take a bus, I have almost forgotten the early days and our daily bus routine!

Deborah Mumm, The Adoption Coach
Everything for Adoption

I had one of my readers send her story of adopting a 2 yr. old Russian boy. It’s a great heartwarming story.

She commented to me that the orphanages are filled with children and most of them are healthy. It’s a shame people are afraid to adopt because of the fear of getting an unhealthy child. Yet we have no control of having a healthy child biologically either.

Here’s the story. Let me know what you think!

Adopting from Russia

Deborah Mumm, The Adoption Coach
Everything for Adoption

Engaged!

Deborah Mumm, The Adoption Coach
Everything for Adoption

A funny thing occurred when getting ready for the kids to leave to Sun Valley with my sister. My sister moved into a new apartment just days before coming to Chicago. Needless to say, everything is still in boxes. I was telling Tania, 15, that she should try to help as much as possible with unloading boxes. I then reminded her that her TV had not been hooked up. She said that’d be ok. I then said that the computer was still in a box and no internet was set up. She looked a bit more shocked but said it would be ok.
She suddenly turned to me and asked, “But, is there a mirror?”
I had to laugh because Tania does spend about half the day looking into a mirror to adjust her hair or makeup. THIS was priority!
When I mentioned that most bathrooms have medicine cabinets with mirrors she then relaxed and claimed it’d be ok to go to Sun Valley now.

Ah….teenage girls! It was TOO funny!

Deborah Mumm, The Adoption Coach
Everything for Adoption