Natural, Real or Biological Mom–Which Term is Best?

It was brought to my attention that the term ‘Natural’ mom was a kinder word than ‘biological’ mom.  I do like the sound of ‘Natural’ better but find that term a little more vague than ‘Biological’.  In many cases this ‘Natural’ mom is one who has to make the most difficult decision of her life…to offer her child a better life than one that she can offer.  I admire all women who choose adoption over abortion for their unborn child.  It has to be one of the most difficult things someone can do…but is truly a hero for doing so!

In my case, my childrens  ‘Natural’ or ‘Biological’ mom was a young woman in Russia who drank , didn’t take care of herself or her children and neglected them until she lost her parental rights.  She did not choose to go out and find a better life for her children.  It’s a good thing someone was looking out for her children or they probably wouldn’t be alive today.  Was she a ‘Good’ mom?  Sometimes.  My daugther told me that she did get one birthday present from her mom that she always remembers.  It was a Snickers bar.  It was the only birthday present she ever got before she came to America at 11. Maybe she was loving or caring when she was with her kids.  I don’t know.

But we celebrate her life on Mother’s Day each year.  We light an Angel candle and say a little prayer thanking Tania & Alex’s birth mom for giving birth to them and allowing them to come to America to be in our family.  I think it helps make the kids feel better about her.

So…anyone else out there have a better term for the ‘birth mom’ or the ‘adoptive mom’ that is ‘Adoption-Friendly’?


Deborah Mumm, The Adoption Coach

4 responses to this post.

  1. You can better find something positive to say about the mother whose child you are raising. Only saying she was a terrible tramp type person is insulting to her child. We can be bigger than that can’t we?


  2. Just found your blog.
    I call my daughter’s bio mom her first mom. Which would make me her forever mom. But I think it depends on the circumstances in many cases. In a case where she wasn’t involved at all I would think biological mom or birth mom is what I would call her.
    Her bio dad we call birth dad since we know nothing about him except his name.


  3. I use biological mom consistently with my children and with family to educate them on what terminology is appropriate.

    Paula Schuck
    also cofounder London Coalition of Adoptive Families and
    Canadian Coalition of Adoptive families


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