When Americans Make Adoption look Bad


It’s a shame when Americans adopt a child and then proceed by making stupid mistakes at the expense of other adoptive parents and the children waiting in orphanages for a family. When we were in Russia we had heard on the news of a 7 yr. old boy adopted from Russia who had been killed by his adoptive mom. The Russians get very upset at these types of things (as they should) but do tend to over react. Close to a million Russian children are in orphanages waiting to be adopted. Several thousand every year are adopted by Americans. One or two of these kids may not have the ‘happily ever after ending’ we all wish for. Yet hundreds of orphaned kids die each day due to neglect in orphanages. So we were a bit nervous knowing they were threatening to stop all adoptions to Americans. And, there we were…in Russia, waiting to take home our children. Nothing happened though and we proceeded with the adoption.
Another time a couple from America got their 12 mo. old twins from an orphanage and were appalled that the babies cried all night the first night they had them. They returned the babies to the orphanage saying they couldn’t handle babies that cried all night. I couldn’t believe it. Let’s see—babies that only knew the Russian language, put into a strange environment with strangers who muttered an unusual language. That seems somewhat terrifying to me and I am an adult. How do they think these babies felt that night? Did they actually think these babies would act like this forever? Please…so frustrating. Russia actually did stop adoptions for awhile after this episode. It is maddening to think of all the people, paperwork, and delays that occurred because of this over reaction of Americans.
Here is today’s headline— 7 year old Russian boy is returned to Russia. Apparently this boy was sent back to Russia with a note pinned to him that he was disruptive and violent. His adoptive parents no longer wanted him. Maybe the boy did have psychological issues but I’m thinking there must be a better way to handle this problem than what they did.

This is also another good reason for adoptive families to have a support group. I run a local area support group known as All God’s Children. It is run by adoptive parents for adoptive or pre-adoptive families. We sometimes need other adoptive families to share our stories with. I know that parenting adopted kids is different than parenting biological kids. Most things are the same, but there are topics that adoptive parents need to address with their children as well as with family and friends. Maybe if this woman had had someone to confide in for help this 7 yr. old may not have been sent back to Russia. Who knows?

If you live in the Gurnee, IL area and would like to join our Adoption Support group then let me know. You can find out when and where our meetings are at Adoption Support Group Calendar

What is your reaction to parents returning children to orphanages?

Deborah Mumm, The Adoption Coach

Everything for Adoption

3 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Robin Thompson on Tuesday, April13, 2010 at 3:35 p04

    We are the adoptive parents of five children. They are such a blessing. I can’t imagine life without them. I feel very bad for the children who are returned to the state of country in whatever situation they may be. Adoption can be a very lonely choice. Other people don’t understand the challenges adoptive parents face every day.

    Reply

    • So true! When my kids were acting out in the beginning I couldn’t tell anyone since they would look at me and say, “You wanted this.” Funny, I wanted my biological kids too, but never thought that I had a choice on the good times and bad times. That is why I started an adoption support group…so adoptive parents can talk to each other on a level they all relate to.

      Reply

  2. Its nothing short of a tragedy for all involved, including perspective parents and waiting children. Please see what I wrote about the issue on my blog:

    http://whenrainhurts.wordpress.com/current-journal-entries/april-11-2010/

    PS: Thank you for all your support re my book project. I have new chapters up, and of course new journal entries – I’m close to the end and with any luck I will get the darn thing published! Thanks again, Mary

    PPS: I couldn’t agree more about the need for support. Its crucial – I know myself that I could use reams more, but sites like yours are so helpful. Vital, really.

    Reply

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