When Love isn’t Enough

Almost 8 years ago we adopted an almost 11 yr. old girl and her 5 yr. old brother. They never told us in Russia about all the abuse our daughter had suffered for over 10 years. It came to haunt us 2 years ago.
We have tried everything. We sent her to Wilderness Therapy Camp followed by a year of intense therapy at a Therapeutic Boarding School. She was the model student there…picking up therapy and using it. She coached other girls while there. We had high hopes she would come home a different girl.
That didn’t happen. She came home 6 months ago and has been acting out since. (I won’t go into detail here all she has done as that really doesn’t matter.) She is a Senior in high school with only one semester left. This week she broke our family contract ( a contract with the simple rules of our home so she can benefit from all that we can give her). We had discussed with her that breaking the contract would mean moving out. She moved out on Wed.
I don’t think she truly understands how serious we are taking this. She texted me last night asking me to drive her to places to fill out job applications. I sent her the PACE bus schedule and told her that was no longer my responsibility.
This is TOUGH LOVE. And, I hate it. My four sons make loving them easy. They weren’t perfect, but they listened to us…and we always moved on. I love helping my kids and this is really hard not helping her anymore. Part of me wants to help her, but I realize we have put in 8 years of hard work with her and she is not trying to help us or herself.
I am a bit sad this warm spring day thinking of people at high school graduations, watching their kids go to prom…all those fun things I loved when my boys were at that age. I guess we will never see how those times are different with a girl.
We have put all our time, effort and most of our money into saving our daughter. It has been exhausting. The one thing I am still afraid of is knowing that she needs to hit bottom to realize how much she has with us as a family…and even though she is off living with her boyfriends family…broke, dropped out of school…and I don’t think she has hit bottom yet. I hope I am wrong. I am dreading that.  She is a strong willed girl and I know she can do a lot of wonderful things with her life if she tries. All I ask is that you help our family and our daughter by praying for us.

Deborah Mumm

One response to this post.

  1. Posted by Michelle Merten on Sunday, May20, 2012 at 3:35 p05


    You know we love and support you and Dennis and your entire family. You are amazing people to adopt, help others on the adoption journey, to do the tough parenting, and to sacrifice for your children (all of them). You are even more amazing because you are so honest in putting all of this out there for the world to see. And, I know you, for someone to benefit from. Whether it’s someone else in a similar situation not feeling alone or a tale of caution — you are so forthright in telling your story. No doubt your words of wisdom and shared experiences have helped countless others.

    Please know that although you have had a rough road — God chose this road for you for a reason. I think your ability to share it with others might be it. It’s my pleasure to hold your hand at church on Sundays and sing The Lord’s Prayer. You are the lady who helped me become a Mom to the world’s two greatest kids. It simply couldn’t have turned out any other way — it wouldn’t be right. Thank God you listen to the Lord and were moved to share your journey. As my little Russian princess, Kristina, would say, “You are AWESOME!”

    You are always in my prayers. I hope things will get better for your family. But if they don’t change, that’s ok. You followed your heart, you worked hard, you had the best of intentions. What could be wrong with any of that.
    Hang in there my friend. You deserve better days ahead!



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