Tough Love


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It has been almost 3 weeks since our teenage daughter was asked to move out of our home because she could not follow simple home rules that we need in place to live as a family.  There have been moments she has called and asked for help and I have offered advice but will no longer drop everything and run out to get her.  She didn’t like this at first, but seems to have figured out that she is living independently (at least from us) and has to figure things out on her own.  We haven’t heard or seen her very much but I get the feeling she is beginning to feel the urgency of how she needs a job to begin paying for all the things she needs.

I hope so!

Our home has been more peaceful with less stress, especially in the evenings when we were used to the phone ringing at all hours from her. We can maintain a normal family existence with our sons this summer..going to ball games, the pool, having sleep overs with their friends, etc.

Am I sorry this had to happen?  Of course.  It was not our choice but we had to put some rules in place to save our family from falling apart because of the stress she was adding when she lived here.  She had the choice to cooperate with our simple rules and we’d help her get to independent living if she cooperated.  She chose not to. 

I am sure this is not the end of the story.  We are still concerned with her well-being and will help her once we see she is trying to move on the right path again. So, in the mean time, we will continue to pray for her to make good choices this summer. Tough Love practices are not easy, that is for sure.

I have had a lot of well meaning people tell me that we are doing the right thing, and a few that have told me how awful I am for posting this here.  I have given it a lot of thought and while I don’t like exposing our life (and our daughter’s) to the world, I have found in most instances by sharing our story I have helped others deal with similar pressures in their lives.

I have faith that our daughter will some day come to her senses and will start using all that therapy we have supplied her with all these years.  In the meantime, we will be strong….for her…and for the rest of our family.

Have a wonderful summer!

Deborah Mumm

Everything for Adoption

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4 responses to this post.

  1. Deborah, I am praying for you and your daughter! I have gone through this same thing with my son (now 23, bio son). We “cut him off” a month ago and give him no aid except for a medication he takes. He has managed to find a place to live, but financially lives off his girlfriend–he was NOT raised to be this type of man. I just keep the faith that he will one day come into his own manhood and take a healthy journey through life, instead of a destructive one. But in the end it is HIS choice, just like it is your daughters choice. We can only do so much, as parents and if we do too much, they will not learn to be independent and responsible for their actions.
    Thank you for sharing. YOU are a WONDERFUL person! Much Blessings! Laurie T.

    Reply

    • Thanks for sharing, Laurie. Yes, we are doing the right thing but sometimes it just doesn’t feel right…never having to do this with my other kids. Let’s pray they both find themselves and figure out they have talents and good qualities that they can use in a productive manner. Best of luck to you and your family on this journey!!
      Debbie M.

      Reply

  2. I’ve been struggling a little bit with my teens, but nothing major. Just teenager stuff , but I can understand why you did what you did and it couldn’t have been easy!

    Most loving Father, the example of parenthood, teach us what to give
    and what to withhold. Show us when to reprove and when to praise.
    Make us gentle and considerate yet firm and watchful.
    Keep us from weak indulgence, or from great severity.
    Give us the courage to be disliked sometimes by our children,
    when we must do necessary things which are displeasing to their eyes.
    Give us the imagination to enter into their world
    in order to understand and guide them.
    Give us all the virtues we need to lead them by word and example
    in the path of righteousness. Amen.

    Reply

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