Posts Tagged ‘adoption issues’

Learn about International Adoption


Do you know someone who wants to learn about the adventures of adoption?  Which countries have available children?  How much does it cost?  How long does it take?

Bob & Carol Murdock, from Int’l Family Services will do live conference calls to help answer these questions…plus the many more you may have.

Here is a link for more information—

Adventures into Adoption Teleconference Calls

Have a great day!


Deborah Mumm, The Adoption Coach

Everything for Adoption

International Adoption Yahoo Groups

Adopted Internationally? Or thinking of International Adoption?
Here are some online Yahoo groups worth checking into….

International Adoption Yahoo Groups
There are State based International Adoption yahoo groups for all 50 states
+ DC. These groups are a terrific way to find more parents who live near
you, to discuss therapists, pediatrician advice, re-adoption issues, state
law regarding adoption, learn about local USCIS timelines, form playgroups,






























New Hampshire

New Jersey

New Mexico

New York

North Carolina

North Dakota





Rhode Island

South Carolina

South Dakota







West Virginia



Deborah Mumm, The Adoption Coach
Everything for Adoption

What Happens when Adoption Issues Arise?

This was sent to me from someone who works with adoptive families and I thought you’d enjoy it.

You may have heard the news story not long ago – an adoptive family in Tennessee put their 7-year-old Russian-born boy on an unaccompanied one-way flight back to Russia, explaining that he had terrorized their family since coming to live with them. Now, the world is in an uproar over their seemingly heartless and careless act.

This family’s decision to abandon their child is totally unacceptable, I know. But I also know that adoptions can go haywire. Adopted kids may or may not have any more problems than any other group of kids, but I think they often present a different “mix” of problems. And those problems can often be more severe, with behavior escalating to the point where a child is out of control and dangerous to himself and others around him or her.

There’s no question that typical adolescent issues like belonging, fitting-in, rejection, connection, acceptance, and peer-relationships can become particularly prominent for some adopted kids. But there are other factors that can cause just as many problems for the child and the adoptive parents.

If the adopted child was born out of a high-risk pregnancy, there is higher probability that they were prenatally exposed to alcohol, tobacco and other harmful drugs. These impediments aren’t always unmanageable, nor are they untreatable. But just knowing that there might be issues down the road as a result of that exposure might prepare you for dealing with it later on. Many kids given up for adoption have come from high-risk pregnancies, exposing them to potential for developmental delays, impulsive choices, poor choices, attention deficit, hyperactivity, learning disabilities, and emotional disorders. There may be a higher risk as well for issues such as Reactive Attachment Disorder, other attachment issues, learning disabilities, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), logic sequence problems, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, or Attention Deficit/Hyperactive Disorder.

Adoptive parents may also have to deal with anger and rages in their adopted child, just as the Tennessee parents have claimed. As a result, adopted kids might have to attend a special school, have special teachers, or need tutoring. All of this can be expensive and may go on for years. To make matters worse, an adopted child may not hug you or express love or appreciation the way you want.

Am I an expert on adoption? No, not me. But I enter the world of adoption “from the other side” because I know and have helped more than 700 adopted teens who have come to live in our Heartlight residential counseling program, and I have listened to the 10,000 questions they brought with them. My search for answers to those 10,000 questions has led me to my own conclusions about problems that can come up with adopted kids. Sometimes their struggles may be the result of prenatal issues, but mostly it’s because we’re all people who carry some personal baggage, and we bring our wounded hearts into our relationships. We all are sinners in need of a Savior … and in need of help. I am convinced that no problem is too great for God to resolve, and no relationship too damaged for Him to repair.

I believe that God in His sovereignty places orphaned or abandoned children with families on purpose. And what I have discovered is that conflicts that arise from adoption issues, whether on the side of parents or of the adopted child, can be overcome. God has a way of taking conflict and using it for our own good, and for deepening the relationship between parent and child. God doesn’t give up on us, nor does He send us back to where we came from. There are times that I believe that working through the conflict helps everyone involved move toward wholeness, and to deeper relationships.

It is good to understand the issues that surround adoption, for understanding brings a family to a different response, a calmer approach to handling conflict, and a platform to learn new ways for engaging with a child.

So, why adopt? I want people to adopt. In fact, I sit on the board of an international adoption agency. But I want adoptive parents to know full well the issues that might come up, invade, or enter the relationship with their child. Perhaps if the parents in Tennessee had known more about the potential pitfalls, perhaps they would have been better prepared for the potential for struggle.

If you plan to adopt, just remember this; there is more to the portrait of your adopted child’s life than you will be able to see. You’ll play a very important role in that portrait, and the presence of conflict, disillusionment, or hardship won’t negate the purpose of the portrait. I believe that most change in a person’s life come through conflict, difficulty, and hardship. I also believe it is worth the struggle so that kids can live in families.

God bless those who choose to give a child a new home and a new family. If you are an adoptive family, may your home be a haven of hope for a child who needs you; may God’s beautiful provision for orphans reach down to you as well, and may He give you the strength to work through any future struggles or difficulties. (

As an adoptive mom is going through all this….I know this to be true!

Deborah Mumm
The Adoption Coach
Everything for Adoption

First Visit Home

Hello Again!


If you follow my blog then you know that our daughter, Tatiana, has been away from home for over 6 months now. We needed to bring her home for a few days so the local high school could finish an evaluation on her. We did not want to do this when they first asked us to bring her home, but that was at Christmas. She wasn’t ready to come home for just a day…plus at the holidays to send her back without seeing the family would have been so mean!

We attended a Parent Workshop at Tatiana’s school last week for several days. It was actually nice to sit around a table with parents who all wore the same sign of pain on their hearts. We all have daughters who needed to be sent to away for therapy…for help. We didn’t have to hold our stories inside us because of fear of what others may think. We had all been there. I have to admit, I felt bad for the parents who had suffered divorce and didn’t have another support person in their life. I am happy every day that I can confide in my husband and that we help each other through this difficult journey.

We brought Tatiana home for 3 days…she learned that the drive was a long 8 hours…and discovered why we don’t visit her more often! She was great seeing our friends and family. She was especially happy to see two of her girlfriends who came over for pizza one night. (See the above photo of them clowning around!)

Dennis and I were scared, though. Having this girl back in our home brought back memories we wanted to forget. We wanted to forget how she acted last summer, but seeing her with friends in our home made us remember and our ‘guards’ went up! We wanted to trust her, but deep down we were afraid to. In the end, she was fine…a few moments of the ‘old Tatiana’ here and there…but mostly we are seeing a young lady who is changing for the better. She is getting stronger and more mature. She is learning to speak up when she feels uncomfortable…and we like that.

So—as she happily boarded the plane back to Omaha I couldn’t help feeling like I was finding a new daughter…one that I look forward to growing old with.

Until next time—

Deborah Mumm,
The Adoption Coach

When I was 5—

Alex, adopted from Russia at age 5, will constantly refer to things that happened when he was small as “When I was 5”.  Example: “When I was 5 I didn’t like to wear my seat belt.”  However, when he was 5 in Russia he never had to wear a seat belt for 2 reasons…1-they don’t wear seat belts in Russia (they laughed at us when we struggled to put them on) and 2-Alex had never been in a car until we brought him home to the US.

“When I was 5 I didn’t like this kind of food.”   He probably didn’t have that food in Russia.

Actually, Alex’s life in America began at age 5.  His life with a family, friends, food, activities, etc., all began at age 5.  So we smile when we hear him say to his friends, “When I was 5….”  It’s where it all  began for him.  Before 5 was a confusing time, with not much order or sense to him.  Living in an orphanage he must have felt a little confused.

I know my heart almost broke when he asked me one day why we didn’t come to get him sooner.  He said, “Mom, I was waiting and waiting for you.”  How sad that a little boy should have to wonder where his Mom is and why she isn’t there for him.

How many millions of children are right now wishing their mom or dad would come and get them…take them out of that orphanage and bring them home?  Their lives would also change forever…just like Alex’s did.  When he was 5.

Deborah Mumm, The Adoption Coach

Everything for Adoption

Did You See My Articles?

I have written a few articles on Adoption issues  PLUS articles on Health issues.

You need to check them out …. Debbie Mumm’s Articles!

Feel free to use them if you need them….

Have a great day!

Debbie Mumm~The Adoption Coach